{"id":6745,"date":"2020-06-07T13:53:00","date_gmt":"2020-06-07T18:53:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/deepsicks.com\/?p=6745"},"modified":"2024-12-21T21:47:32","modified_gmt":"2024-12-22T03:47:32","slug":"powerful-primal-stuff","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/megasimon.com\/d6\/2020\/06\/07\/powerful-primal-stuff\/","title":{"rendered":"powerful, primal stuff"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

L is six months old, yay! But this post is about my boobs.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Six months was my outset goal for breastfeeding. Oh my god, you guys. I heard all the things that any mom-to-be hears \u2014 mama\u2019s milk is best, it doesn\u2019t work out for everyone, don\u2019t beat yourself up but you\u2019re a bad mother if you don\u2019t even try. I wanted to try, go with the flow, and if it didn\u2019t flow, we\u2019d figure it out. I had this quaint notion that I\u2019d be nursing on leave and start pumping when I went to work, with the exception of building my stash \u2014 as an inveterate overachiever I would have an awe-inspiring stockpile of frozen milk for my perfect baby from my powerful boobs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With L premature, I didn\u2019t have a golden hour of snuggles and adorable baby bird first sips. I had about 10 seconds of him against my heart before he struggled to breathe and was whisked away. With him in the NICU \u2014 and me banned from seeing him due to a cold \u2014 I didn\u2019t start nursing till several days in. Five hours after giving birth, I was on the pump \u2014 and I was on that pump every three hours, day and night, for months. For all I read about breastfeeding, I\u2019d never heard of triple feeding \u2014 where you nurse, follow it up with a bottle of expressed milk, and then pump to produce the bottle for the next feeding. With L not on the WHO weight chart till two months old (and needing all the calories he could get), triple feeding became my (miserable) life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I will spare you the gory details of a crap latch, clogged ducts and the hallucinatory fractured sleep of the first few months. I had milk to spare \u2014 to freeze \u2014 I think only six times, barely a day\u2019s supply. The rest went immediately into my voracious kid, and I struggled for months to keep up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, things are\u2026 fine.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We occasionally supplement with formula and that\u2019s also fine. Overall I\u2019ve been amazed at how my body adjusts to demand. My return to work in February almost vanquished nursing \u2014 pumping at work sucked, man \u2014 but then C-19 happened and I\u2019ve been teleworking for months, happily nursing and pumping at home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, \u201chappily\u201d is an overstatement. Pumping is a major pain. I will be thrilled to drop kick that torture device into a dumpster. As it is, L is cutting his first tooth. He\u2019ll be starting big boy food this week. Over the coming months, mama\u2019s milk will take a backseat to sweet potatoes, avocado, peaches and beans, oh my!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart swells with how far he\u2019s come\u2026 and me, too. I did it. I DID IT.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I had no idea what I was getting into, and it was hard as hell, and I did it.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I can\u2019t separate the glow and bond of being a mom from whatever glorious, complicated layer nursing adds on. But it\u2019s some powerful, primal stuff — months of moments I will never forget, the way he looks at me when snuggled so close.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I don\u2019t know if I have another six months in me. Doesn\u2019t matter. I made it. I made HIM, from the moment of conception to this morning\u2019s feed. And I am so so proud of us. \"\ud83d\ude0d\" \"\ud83d\ude0e\" \"\ud83e\udd13\"<\/p>\n\n\n\n


This post is backdated.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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